"I never heard of it. I did hear of Sleepless in Seattle though."
"Isn't Sleepless in Seattle a movie about a son who calls a radio show in an attempt to find a partner for his dad? Oh I see what you mean... no Toothless in Lahore is not a movie yet, it's a real life guy, and need I add if they ever make it into a film then it would be more hilarious than Sleepless in Seattle."
"I don't get it! Who is the Toothless in Lahore? I mean it couldn't be Rana sahib, he is far from toothless and Mian sahib Junior, notwithstanding his niece's attempt to supersede him in the party hierarchy - and she stands a good chance cause a dad trumps a brother or so it seems, but..." "Good heavens, can't you leave these political personalities alone for one day. I mean really."
"OK, I can't think of anyone who is Toothless in Lahore, I mean it's a PML-N stronghold and I am emphasizing the N in the PML, right MTS..."
"If you think those German Pulitzer prize winning journalists have silenced Maryam Tweet Sharif then you have another think coming. And her motu (Fat) gang..."
"What's the qualification for being a member of the motu gang? Someone said to me the other day that membership requires body weight more than the First Daughter. I hear that's why Muhammad Zubair was given the Governorship..."
"Don't be facetious. Anyway, Toothless In Lahore refers to the Chairman of our cricket board, a board established on the same pattern as the MTSs media cell: the real head, the Man Who Shall Remain Nameless, is behind the scene though the love of being in the limelight to constantly restate that power lies with him is over powering, then there is the front man so to speak who is so ridiculous as to render the one behind the scenes almost....well almost divine..."
"You are so bad and I guess Toothless in Lahore is our former Secretary Foreign Affairs and need I add, given that we are repeatedly informed that the foreign office is run by the establishment therefore he never got any training in diplomacy if you will..."
"Right, I mean many of us won't vote for Imran but where cricket is concerned he has left a mark and he will be remembered long after the Toothless in Lahore and the Man Who Shall Remain Nameless are gone and forgotten."
"OK, but I would urge you not to refer to him as the Toothless in Lahore as that may cost the board thousands of pounds."
"How come?"
"Reports indicate that the Toothless in Lahore has already spent millions of rupees on his medical expenses abroad from the cricket kitty and if he becomes conscious of the missing teeth if you will then he may spend more cricket money on repairing and maintenance..."
"We have good dentists here and..."
"Don't be silly, anyone with any nexus with the power that be, be he Nameless or be he/she Known does not get treatment in this country."
"Right, even the Clueless in Attock, Captain Safdar, went to London to get treatment and..."
"Don't be facetious."
Copyright Business Recorder, 2017